Chapter III (excerpt)

And lo! There dwelt in this county a man whose name was Carolus. And this Carolus, who was surnamed Patriotus, looked with bitterness upon the wickedness of the oppressor, and said unto his friends and disciples, “Verily, I can no longer look upon the tribulations of my people, but will gird up my loins, and will set forth on a pilgrimage to the land of this oppressor.”

And behold after many days he came to Londinensis, the chief city of the Albionites, and saw that which was not good in his sight. But he met many people who sate him at their board, and who looked upon him as the deliverer of his people. Unto them he said, “Verily, I will lift up my voice, so that it shall be heard of all the nations. And I will open the eyes of the people, so that they shall no longer look with favour upon the evil doings of their chief rulers. And I will say unto them, ‘Cast your eyes upon Erinea, the country of my forefathers, and behold how my brethren gnash their teeth, and struggle in vain under the yoke of the spoiler and misrule.’ And I will call upon them to give me their help in the deliverance of my people. And my nation shall bless those who lift up their voices for Erinea.”

And behold all these things came to pass.

And the friends of Carolus, surnamed Patriotus, said unto him, “It is well that though shouldest do this great thing. And verily, we will aid thee. Our homes shall be thy houses, and our purses shall be thy purses, until the great things which though prophesies shall come to pass.”

And Carolus, surnamed Patriotus, lifted up his voice against the oppressor, yeah, even in the assembly of the rulers of the Albionites, who waxed wroth at the preachings of Carolus, and who looked upon his teachings as evil. The name of this prince was Tempus Londinus, and he said unto his servants, “Yea, verily, this Carolus is a seditious man, and we must banish him from the great house of the people, else will he conquer use, and the power of the Albionites will be as naught in the eyes of the nations.

And there came unto the steward of Tempus, surnamed Londinus, a man named Dupus Journalius. This man longed for riches, and knew much that was pleasing to the steward of Tempus. Unto him he saith, “Lo, thy servant hath travelled far to satisfy thy desire, and to please my lord the prince. HE has been to the chief city of the Erinians, and has spoken to a man who dwells there. This man has a sword, made by Carolus, and nothing but the poison which is worked into this sword can destroy Carolus, surnamed Patriotus. Carolus made this sword in order to destroy his enemies, but lo! He is now himself in their toils, and shall feel the hand of the smiter.”

And the steward of the mighty Tempus said unto Dupus, he that was surnamed Jounalius, “Fetch this man hither, that we may behold this weapon.”

But Dupus answered and said, “Not so, my lord, for this thing is wonderful, and Judas Dublinus will not sell it but for a great price. Yea, verily, the price is great.”

Then said the chief steward unto Dupus, “Go thy way, and return unto me tomorrow, when thou shalt see the mighty prince Tempus and his high priests, and they shall give thee an answer.”

And when Dupus returned on the morrow, he prostrated himself before Tempus Londinus and his high priests, and they looked with favour upon him, and gave him great wealth, saying” Go thou to Judas, surnamed Dublinus, and give him of thy wealth, and say unto him, “Verily, I have spoken of thee to the rulers of Albionites, and thou and thy doings have found favour in their sight. Moreover, though shalt not be punished for thy sins, but if though wilt render unto me the poisoned sword wherewith to destroy Carolus, surnamed Patriotus, thou shalt dwell in the tents of the righteous.

And Dupus journeyed to the chief city of Erinians, and told all these things unto Judas, surnamed Dublinis, who answered and said, “yea, verily, my lord hath done well by his servant. Here is the sword which shall destroy Carolus, surnamed Patriotus.”

Therefore, Dupus was filled with joy, and hastened to carry the sword to the mighty prince of the Albionites. NAND the prince was well pleased with him, and many of the chief rulers of the people also rejoiced with him, saying unto each other, “Now we shall be delivered for the teachings of this vile imposter and our country shall prosper, for the false prophet of Erinia is Vanquished, and his disciples shall be scattered over all the earth.”

But lo! And behold! A wonder came to pass. For when the high priests of Tempus Londinus hurled the poisoned sword, which Carolus was said to have wrought with his own hands, yeah, when it was hurled at Carolus, he valiantly seized the sword, and fought his enemies therewith, so that those who thought to see him fall dead were amazed at his vigour.

But although Carolus did not die, he was sick for many days, and many people prophesized that his end was near, while his enemies said, “Rejoice, and be glad, for the foe is slain, and our enemies are crestfallen and hand their heads in shame!”

But there were others who said, “Nay, he shall not die, but shall live to plan the foot of scorn upon the neck of his enemy. We will give freely of our treasure, and we will carry him to the great apothecary, Carolus Magnus, and lo! He will heal his wounds, and lay bare the foul sources of the slanderers.”

And all the Erinians cried aloud unto Carolus Magnus, saying, “Save our apostle and let him not perish under the heel of his enemy.”

Now Carolus, surnamed Magnus, was skilled in the art of healing, and it came to pass after many days that Carolus, surnamed Patriotus, recovered from his grievous sickness, and henceforth the great prince and his high priests looked with disfavor upon Dupus Journalius.

And Tempus Londinus was exceeding wroth, and send for Judas, surnamed Dublinus. But the heart of Judas was filled with fear, so that he repented him of what he has done, and wandered afar off, sending unto Tempus and his high priests a message, saying, “verily, I am a sinner, and have led a mighty prince into error. The sword which should have destroyed Carolus, surnamed Patriotus, was of a truth poisoned, but the poison lurks in the hilt, not in the point of the weapon. If my lord falls sick thereof, let him not blame is servant Judas, who was tempted by the promise of great riches, and where Judas goes, let no man follow.”

And the people clamoured for vengeance upon Judas and the hunters were set upon the track of the betrayer, and he fell into their hands. But when they took their eyes from him, he sprang into the outermost darkness, and the inhabitants of the earth knew him no more.

And Tempus Londinus was in his turn grievously sick. But as for Carols Patriotus, he grew mightier than ever, and there was a rejoicing in Erinia when he triumphed over his enemies.

Chapter IV

But although this Carolus Patriotus was thus allegorically announced to be the victor, his country still suffered for a long time at the hands of its rulers. Disaffection and jealously, increased in many places by the disinclination of the discontented ones to relieve themselves honourably of their burdens, caused certain practices to arise in Erinia, or Ireland, which only aggravated the righting misery.

A custom called “boycotting” prevailed, whereby all those who were suspected or proved to be unpatriotic were depraved of all communication with those who might be possibly induced to do business with them. People caught conveying food or other necessaries to boycotted persons were ruthlessly shot, and very often horrible cruelties were perpetrated upon harmless cattle, in order to show that their owners had fallen under the ban.

Morality began a thing unknown in the country. Farms and houses were rented from landholders, who had no other source of income, by people who meant to live upon the produce of the land, but who were resolved not to pay anything for the privilege. This was accounted quite an honourable thing to do, and the wort crime of which an Irish farmer could be accused of being guilty was “paying his rent.”

Murder was an excusable necessity, but rent-paying was a crime punishable by death. Hence landlords found no encouragement to prove themselves deserving of confidence. Whole estates went to rack and ruin. The really earnest reformers found it impossible to fight longer against the prevailing misery, and emigrated in large numbers, so that the country at last fell into a state of complete anarchy.

There were many politicians who sole exertions were directed towards securing to Ireland privileges which would put it on an equal footing with the sister isle, but other trouble fell upon Great Britain, and, as had often happened before, the affairs of Ireland were set aside in order that other grave difficulties might be grappled with.

Several British colonies and dependencies became alienated. The whole of the Australian dependences threw off the yoke of England. The French became the ultimate possessors of Newfoundland, owing to the supineness of the government to which it looked for protection. A treaty between the United States and France was the means of robbing England of Canada, and in order to prevent the loss of further slices of the Empire, Great Britain was obliged to maintain a large standing army and navy.

There were a great many republicans in the House of Commons, and these people always played upon one string. They urged that all the troubles and worries of the English had their origin in the huge sums of money which were paid to the Royal family, which ever grew more exacting and rapacious in its demands for money. So powerfully did the republicans appeal to the nation that many of the royalists began to consider the situation anxiously, and feared lest the reigning dynasty should be dethroned, and England be turned into a republic.

Others, however, considered that so much had been done to conciliate the Germans and Scots, who were both brave and of great skill in warfare, that an alliance with them could be safely counted upon in the event of a civil war breaking out.

Meanwhile France was also the scene of great political changes. The people had once more tired of the republic, and, with their respective claims were all set on one side in favour of an obscure adventurer, who, emulating Napoleon, had used the army as the stepladder for his ambition. The French nation, jealous of the fast-increasing power of its big Germany neighbor, gladly placed in supreme command a man who, among other things, promised to make the hated Teuton lick the dust.

Russian autocracy was fast becoming a thing of the past, but Germany steadily grew in power, until it threatened to emulate the days of Charlemagne, and engulf all the countries between which it was sandwiched.

Such was the condition of some of the principal countries of Europe when the Irish, resolved no longer to “groan under the yoke of the oppressor,” formed themselves into a secret society which embraced nearly all the nation; held many clandestine meetings, at which all manner of dark things were plotted; and finally invoked the aid of France in a grad fight which they were going to make for independence and freedom.

France readily agreed to the alliance, the proposal having apparently come at a most opportune time. The French always thirst for power; they are somewhat credulous as a nation; and are so vain as to be continually overestimating their own might and prowess. Add to his, that their Emperor was still new fledged, and still had to fulfil his promises of aggrandizement, and it will readily be believed that there was little difficulty in persuading France to become Ireland’s ally in her crusade against England.

Not that France was honestly bent upon unselfishly befriending another country. It was thought that, once firmly fixed on Irish soil, with an army in occupation, it was simply a question of changing the absolute rulership of the Emerald Isle in favour of Gallia. Certain emoluments and prerogatives were to be given to the principal Irish leaders, as a sop to Cerberus, but the principal plums of conquest were to be reserved for Frenchmen, as soon as “Albion la perfide” was fairly vanquished.

Glorious visions of coming wealth and greatness filled the minds of the thousands who, led by the brand-new Emperor himself, swarmed into Ireland, and prepared, in conjunction with their red-hot allies, to smash England’s greatness into infinitesimal fragments. Naturally the army was feted and entertained, but it was unfortunate that so much of the product of the native distilleries should have been consumed in drinking confusion to their enemies, for Bacchus always was, and always will be, a treacherous friend, and he had something to answer for respecting the ruin, utter, black, and entire, which erelong overtook his votaries.

AS England’s statesmen had foreseen, they were able to count upon mighty aid from the Scots and Germans, and in their opinion the issue of the forthcoming struggles a foregone conclusion. But Germany had to be very wary and circumspect, for Russian and Austria considered this a capital time to combine with France and bring about the disruption of the big German Empire. There was even a treaty signed, by virtue of which the three allied emperors were to share Germany very equitably, in event of conquest.

They counted upon Switzerland remaining neutral, but were slightly taken aback when Italy’s army, which was now a very large one, was placed at the disposal of England and Germany, thus enabling the latter country to render powerful help to England, without imperiling its own safety very much.

The war did not last long. When Ireland struck the blow for liberty, both hires and French fought well; the former goaded by desperation and a desire for revenge; the latter by cupidity and vain-gloriousness. But their valour was futile, and there came a day when their united forces were utterly vanquished, and scarcely an Irish or French soldier was left to show that there had once been a united army.

Fortunately for himself, the Emperor was slain in battle. Otherwise, with nothing but a list of ignominious defeats to show in what manner had had been able to keep his brilliant promises, he would have been disgraced by a nation that was once more enraged at having shown how huge was its capacity for being duped.

It soon transpired, however, that the residue of the French people had need to think of something else besides avenging failures. The enemies of France seized their opportunity; invaded it; conquered; and divided it, undeterred by the pusillanimous threats of Russians and Austrians, who judged it wisest not to take to arms when the situation of France grew so desperate.

Thus, did France cease to be an independent European power, and thus also were finally exterminated the Irish as a nation, for they were brave, and did not yield, so long as a man could fight.

In England, there was great rejoicing, and so many honours were heaped upon Germans and Scots, that there was not an opening left for an Englishman to lift himself into prominence. The Government of the country gradually fell entirely in to the hands of these aliens, and Englishmen formed so small a minority of the population that proposal to change the name of the country form England to Teuto-Scotland was placed before Parliament, and carried by acclamation.

All record of England, so far as its constitutional policy was concerned, finished here, and I know not whether a ruler I the direct line of succession remained upon the throne, or whether a republic was the immediate outcome of all these changes or not. I learnt subsequently, however, from the lips of Hilda, that at the time of my visit to New Amazonia, the chief officer of the state in Teuto-Scotland was a “People’s Agent,” who only remained two years in office, and was then replaced by such successor, either male or female, as might be elected by universal suffrage.

Chapter V (excerpt)

Since the Irish people had been completely conquered, it behooved England to take such measures as would conduce to the future prosperity of the island, and at the same time guard against disaffection and rebellion. There was much consulting and advising. The Irish question was as prominent as ever. All manner of plans were proposed, but were all in turn rejected as unfeasible.

After several sessions, had been wasted in fruitless debates and in noisy discussions, whereof the only result arrived at was a certain amount of forensic display on the part of ambitious members, a proposition was mooted which at first amazed all who heard it. Then it was ridiculed unmercifully. Next it was discussed seriously. Finally, it was adopted, amid universal enthusiasm.

For centuries, the combined efforts of war, seafaring, and emigration had been to reduce the male population of England to such an extent as to cause the female portion of the population to preponderate enormously. So much so, in fact, that not a trade or profession which ad hitherto been regarded by men as sacred to themselves was uninvaded by feminine competitors, who considerably to the dismay of adult masculinity, were steadily proving themselves capable of doing well all that they undertook to do.

For every man in the community to support three women was an impossibility, even if he had desired to do so, which he certainly did not Women who did not marry were expected to keep themselves. But by way of showing how strictly and impartially the male biped can be, there prevailed a peculiar system of payment, which bore its natural result of discontent and protest.